The end of a long weekend that ended a long week. Being stuck in the mountains for three days with your coworkers after ruining something important and starting something also important (but a little less) is one of the most draining things to ever go through.
38 degrees with no service, but an unlimited supply to the SF early 30 year old snobbery approved liquor marks a changing point. A big pivotal self realization moment where you stop caring even though you are wishing for half a bar to receive a text message or call that never happened.
Trying to be there for somebody when you are miles apart both in distance and in the heart kills you. It kills you worse when they don’t let you be there for them because you don’t matter anymore. All while you have to be cordial and keep a smile on your face with people you spend 60 hours with every week anyway. Bulleit Bourbon was a close friend of mine.
The people I work with brought their significant others to the slopes but I preferred to go the the historical downtown, where ghosts supposedly roam recklessly. That feeling you get when you are terrified of the unknown - that is very similar to what I’ve been feeling due to everything else this week. Ruining a friendship - terrified of the unknown. Settling for somebody you don’t love - terrified of the unknown. Not talking to either of those people since Thursday - terrified of the unknown. It’s all the same heart wrenching, chest tightening, dizzy spell inducing feeling.